Thanks a hell of a lot," I said, walking to the door."Wait, Jess, I'm sorry." You should be." It's just, I don't know, it's like you're my little sister andyou're just finding out about boys and I don't want you to gethurt. But, unlike a real little sister, you have something thatcould get you in real trouble. I'm sorry," she said, reachingout with tears in her eyes."It's OK," I said, hugging her. But I'm not a kid. I'm 34. I'vebeen screwed in relationships before." Yeah, but never like this." Don't worry, Lise. I have it under control."We went back to the table. Jeff and Todd stood up. "I wasbeginning to worry," said Jeff. "What took so long?" Oh, you know girls," said Lisa.We started eating again. As much as I wanted not to do so, Itoned down the flirting for Lisa's sake. We started talkingabout families."I bet your parents must be very proud of you, Jess," said Todd."I mean, you're beautiful and successful." Not exactly. My mother's dead and let's just say I'm not whatmy father. .All my Senses, all my thoughts, all my feelings, all those screaming in my mindSaying that I am a girl !!But my mind couldn’t understand it, everything, everyone & everything around me says am a boyI understand am gay boy but that not make me a girlTill that night ……..It wasn’t a long time in that gang, till I had bigger circles of friends, friends who share the same desires and feelings Some were boy and some where girlsAnd in that circles bottoms and girls are close to each other , it's just we feel comfortable with each other, maybe cause most ALPHA boys and tops are bullies I had a close friend called RANIA, she were gay to, even if she had a desire for both gender, But as I told before in the aryl 80s there were no education or culture about sexual thingsAnyway she was the closest friend I had and she still to that day,One day we were in our block garden, I needed to talk, I opened my heart to her and I told her everything about my feelings and my feminine senses, She was aware.
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